What If I Tell?by Gina McCabe
The true story of a woman who, in her mid-thirties, realizes that she is unable to enjoy life despite having achieved her every definition of success. Unsure of the cause of this new and overwhelming unhappiness, she blames everything from her husband to her workaholic ways. On the brink of a failed marriage, discovering deep self-hatred and overwhelming stress, she turns to therapy and writing to understand. Her account takes readers through her denial, confusion, anger, depression, and finally to clarity around her unwillingness to deal with the after-effects of childhood trauma. She realizes that her past is more than just something she wants to deny, and she begins to understand how it has shaped her whole life... her choices, behavior, thinking and feelings. After thirty years of silence, she finds the courage to tackle a lifelong question that she would never before even consider: What if I tell?
Publication Date: March 20, 2008
ISBN/EAN13: 0981513905 / 9780981513904
Page Count: 272
Binding Type: US Trade Paper
Language: English
Related Categories: Biography & Autobiography / Literary
Product Dimensions: 8 x 5.2 x 0.7 inches
Shipping Weight: 13.3 ounces
List Price: $14.95
Courageous Confession of Abuse (Bryan Carey, Texas, 2008)
Gina McCabe is a young woman in her thirties who has experienced things that most of us wouldn't wish upon our greatest enemy. For years, she lived in fear and shame. She often experienced negative, irrational thoughts. She was depressed and often suicidal. The problems stemmed from experiences in her youth and they were tearing her up inside. Her problem was childhood sexual abuse, and she carried the experience with her throughout her young life and well into adulthood. The trauma caused tremendous anxiety until McCabe finally found the courage to confess her past and begin the healing process.
Most of the author's young life was spent living in fear and anxiety. She was never quite certain whether someone was lurking in her bedroom, behind a door, under a bed, or in a closet. She realized that her fear was irrational, but she could not control the flashbacks. Friends and family might have noticed that something was strange, but no one ever connected the dots. Even though it is widely agreed that extended family members are the most likely to commit this type of abuse, most never suspect that anything like this is taking place. This is exactly what happened to the author. Her uncle and grandfather were committing the acts of abuse, but no one ever suspected that anything was going on. And since young Gina was so scared and overwhelmed by anxiety, she never offered any hints to those around her that anything so ugly was taking place.
This book is written in an honest, effective way and I like the fact that the book includes the author's actual thoughts as she converses with different people. She includes many conversations with important people in her life and, inserted between the quotes, she includes what she was thinking at different points in the conversation. She separates the thoughts from the actual conversation through the use of italics. Often, McCabe would be saying one thing while a completely different and sometimes contradictory thought was passing through her mind. It is interesting to read these points of contrast between her thoughts and her speech. Everyone does this to an extent, but McCabe seems to do this with great frequency; a direct result of the trauma she experienced as a young girl. I also like the way the book slowly builds suspense. You know something is wrong, but the book doesn't come forward and say exactly what it is. The book keeps you guessing for the first several chapters.
Another interesting aspect of this book is the number of people in the McCabe's life who also had experienced similar forms of abuse. Some of her friends, associates, and even her own brother confess to episodes of the same type of abuse. As I read all of these confessions, I began to wonder if those who have been abused naturally attract the friendships of others who have been abused, without even knowing it. A substantial percentage of McCabe's acquaintances and family were also victims of abuse, and the number is so great that it makes me wonder if these types of victims attract each other without even realizing it.
Overall, What If I Tell is a very good book about child abuse and a young woman who finally found the strength to face her problems and begin the healing process. The author now devotes part of her time to activist activities in order to help eliminate this type of abuse. Child sexual abuse is more commonplace than people think, and Gina McCabe should be congratulated for having the strength to face her demons, improve her personal life and mental health, and work for positive change in the world
You won't be able to put this book down ... (Page Turner, Herndon, VA, 2008)
I couldn't put this book down as McCabe's story connected with me. She is an honest and amazing writer who had a very important story to tell. Although McCabe wrote a book about her own life; it was so similar to mine that I was sucked into the comparison. What is so sad is that child sexual abuse is more prevalent than we choose to acknowledge. However, it is comforting to know that I am not alone in my battle. I want to thank McCabe for having the courage to tell her story and help others.
We have to be the generation to stop the incredibly high statistic that 1 in every 4 children suffer from sexual abuse! One fourth ... we need to demand better than this.
Although the subject of this book may seem daunting and dark, the story is nothing close. It is a journey about courage, hope, healing and honesty and leaves you with renewed strength and spirit. Anyone who has been through turmoil in their childhood and was successful at masking it in their 20s, knows it comes pouring out in your 30s. This book will give you the strength to heal and make you realize that you are not alone.
What a courageous and compelling story. (Mromani, Virginia, 2008)
I thought this was a wonderful book which opened my eyes to the long-lasting affects of childhood abuse. I applaud the author for being so courageous as to tackle this topic and to bare her soul in an effort to help others deal with the trauma of childhood abuse. I hope this book achieves all you dream for it!
McCabe bares her innermost feelings, telling a story that must be told. (Charles Ashbacher, Marion, Iowa, 2008)
If you were not a victim of sexual abuse as a child or have never had a close relationship with someone who was, reading this book will probably be difficult for you. I have had close relationships with multiple people who were sexually abused as children and had a hard time plowing through the retelling of the events and the author's thoughts. As the author describes her adult experiences she expresses her thoughts in italicized captions. Those captions express her fears, insecurities and angers, as her mind races while her body is moving slowly. Someone unfamiliar with these thoughts, so typical of victims, quite likely will find it repetitive, self-destructive and annoying. It will be very easy to simply stop and say, "C'mon, deal with it and go on and live your life."
The thoughts and insecurities, feelings of unworthiness, the knowledge that the worst is going to happen, so you might as well force it and have it happen on your time and terms rather than by someone else are all typical of sexual abuse victims. Even in the best of times, the insecurities can become so powerful that they consume them, leading to feelings of dread and a belief that their death would improve the state of the world.
McCabe sets all of these feelings down, baring her innermost feelings in a manner that had to have been both difficult and cathartic. The struggles of sexually abused children are lifelong, with many never, ever seeming to cope with it. Even those who do cope often manage to just submerge it rather than overcome it. From this book, that is the category where I would place McCabe.
Some things need to be told - for the teller and the told. (Susanna Hutcheson, Midwest U.S.A., 2008)
Many of us have gone through the most terrifying, horrible experiences imaginable. Yet we're scared or ashamed or fearful to tell others. What a shame! Because it is in the telling and the being told that pain begins to be absolved and peace and healing begin.
This is a story that needs to be told and one that must be heard. It's well written and thoughtful.
Highly recommended.
What if I Tell? --An incredible journey! (Kimberly L. Christopher, "ChargeTheCannonsPublishing", Pennsylvania, 2008)
What if I Tell? is a courageous, candid memoir written by a well-educated, articulate businesswoman who, as her second marriage begins to crumble amid juggling a stressful career and managing panic, anxiety and depression, confronts the memories of being sexually abused as a child--and how those tragic events shaped her life to this point in time.
McCabe, an excellent writer, doesn't sensor her thoughts or her words as they flow on the pages and because of that fact the reader will be very aware of her emotions at all times, never having to second guess her meaning. Her spunk and her commitment to working through the shame, anger and inability to trust, to better her life, and then sharing that information with us holds valuable insights for others who have suffered childhood sexual abuse.
With self help books being the craze and gurus telling us we need to read this one or that one to fix our lives, it's rare to find that the real key to unlocking the door to life isn't found in a self help book at all, but a memoir. If you're a survivor of sexual abuse, whether or not you've worked through the trauma, this book will be beneficial and comforting for you. It will open emotional doors that were previously closed, locked, and barricaded. It will provide you with hope and let you know you're OK and that there are others out there just like you who are willing to blindly find their way through all the emotional "crap" toward healing. Even if you're not ready to admit you may have been sexually abused as a child, or if you wonder, McCabe's book is an excellent, "safe," precursor to looking into your own soul.
Although her story is just one of many who've made the journey toward healing, McCabe is gifted in the fact she has the whither all to effect a change, to bring the memories into the light, to stay in the pain, and to give courage to other women (or men) who are about to embark on their own journeys of dealing with the intensity of abuse. She allows you to walk with her through her pain, giving you a front row seat to her soul during her darkest days. She shows you that you will come out on the other side--that joy, love, happiness and even trust can exists after childhood sexual abuse. Total reading time in one sitting--two hours. Two hours that could change your life.
A story that needs to be told. (J. Hsu, Vienna, VA, 2008)
Gina McCabe is an incredible woman who realized how keeping things inside hurts everyone. This is an amazing story of how she let the secret out slowly but surely and found the strength to confront her issues head on. Read this book to get a perspective that you might never have known before and learn from Gina and her progress to fight your own issues.
I am so glad you did tell! (Brooke Kingsley, 2008)
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED- When I purchased this book I was not aware of what the author was referring to with regards to her title. I soon realized after starting to read the book that she was a victim of sexual abuse at a very young age. I am not one to read a lot however I read this entire book in one day as I could not seem to put it down. This book was very well written as I found myself connecting with this Authors life. Powerful and Emotional are two words that describe this book. Although I have never been a victim myself I was very touched by this story as it brought me awareness about sexual abuse, OCD, PTSD, anxiety, and few other disorders. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS BOOK to all.
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Review: Rambles.net (Renee Harmon, Rambles.net, September 20, 2008)
To those who never had to hide a dirty secret, she seems strong and in control. She's well educated, living a good life and adored by a loving husband. But author Gina McCabe has opened a can of worms about child molestation that most want to keep the lid on.
Victims of abuse are trapped between two worlds, one ordering them to let go of the past, the other insisting they lick their wounds. Understanding that when there's no resolution, it's an uphill struggle for someone to freely move on, Gina dared to confront the darkness in her life and those responsible for it. Her book What If I Tell? expresses all the hurt, shame and anguish that goes with a life that should have been free from perverted hands.
She didn't sugarcoat her story; she shared all the pain and devastation she suffered. It could not have been easy to uncover the fact that relatives in some instances were aware of the abuse but chose to turn their heads. What could they have been thinking? Did they truly believe that the torment suffered would just fade with time? If anything, it follows the victims around, tugging at their self-esteem, making them feel second best. Eyes once innocent are replaced by suspicion when adults appear to be too close to a child. Their motive becomes suspect. Trust definitely has to be proven. Struggling to erase memories that have a choke hold on their lives, victims sometimes turn to vices -- drugs, alcohol, overeating -- to deal with the pain. Sadly, some become abusers themselves. Those that somehow manage to live productive lives despite their painful past should be applauded for coming to terms with what they cannot change.
Gina peeled away another layer of my emotions by stating that her brother Mike was a victim of sexual abuse as well. This brought tears to my eyes, because men are often denied the compassion they need. They are supposed to just shrug it off and get on with living. It's a well-known fact that people find it tough to come up with words to console victims so they use the forever line, "Just hold your head up and move on with your life. There's no doubt that they'll get theirs in the end for hurting you." But do they?
I do recommend this book; it's a tribute to all the sexual abuse victims that share the author's story.
Book Review: Yup - Another Review Blog (Robin, Yup - Another Review Blog)
Gina appears to have it all. A masters, a successful job and a great husband. They can afford the perks of a well-off salary. But Gina isn't happy. And she wonders why. If she has everything she could have ever wanted, why is she driven for more?
Through therapy and writing she uncovers the source of her true childhood trauma - child sexual abuse.
Not only has she found out what happens when you tell your family and friends, she is finding out what happens when you tell strangers too.
At the back of her book is a wonderful site to help others suffering the effects of child sexual abuse.
I thank Gina McCabe for heroically sharing her story so that others can learn the effects as well as providing support for other victims to seek support and help.
Book Review: BookPleasures.com (Jessica Roberts, Book Pleasures.com, London, UK)
What If I Tell is about the memoir of a young girl who after 30 years of fear and shame finally tells her important story to the world.
When Gina was a young girl she suffered sexual abuse at the hands of her Uncle - “Oncle Louis”. Those times she used to hide under her bed covers, dreading the feelings of Louis’s wandering hands.
The story goes on to tell of how Gina met Doug and they decide to get married…only problem is her mum wants Louis to attend the wedding too. Gina feels sick as memories come flooding back - the way he used to call her “ma petite blonde”.
When she tells her mum she hates her Uncle and does not want him to be there to ruin her day, her mum asks why she doesn’t like him. I would have thought it was pretty obvious if your daughter was being abused….I can only wonder why a mother would not notice the signs? I certainly would but then again, each to their own.
There is more depth to this tale if you read on - parts of history are revealed and it is clear to me how Gina felt and how this awful part of her life affects her even now.
I just find it hard to believe that despite everything, a family cannot notice the effects of child abuse on their little girl and how other members almost despise Gina for hating her Uncle, even when they find out what he had done. Are her other family members just as sick as her Uncle was?
Later her Uncle does say he wants her forgiveness - does Gina forgive him? Again something I would find impossible to do. An Uncle should be someone who makes you laugh, who treats you and when you are placed in his care, makes sure you are well looked after. A shame that Louis was not the kind of Uncle he should have been.
This subject is certainly one that is daunting and horrendous but I found the story to be different altogether. Instead of focusing on those awful times as a child, Gina has done the opposite and focused more on the growing up and becoming brave than dwelling too much on the past. Her feelings on child sex abuse are still strongly spoken throughout but the book is more cheerful then you might think!
Read this for an intimate insight on abuse and be moved.
Book Review: TCM Reviews (Vianna Renaud, TCM Reviews, Toronto CA)
In this extraordinary memoir, author Gina McCabe leads us along her courageous journey with the aim to help others prevent and treat child abuse. Over the short span of ten years, she worked her way from bartender to professional firefighter, small business owner and Vice President of a Northern Virginia based consulting firm. With so much going for her, both in personal and professional areas, she had everything that one could want. Little did she know that the truth behind her anxiety and workaholic ways would result in previously hidden childhood nightmares coming to the surface.
Through greater exploration of her life, ways of being, and negative thinking patterns with personal therapy, McCabe discovered the delayed after-effects so common among survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Through her deeper reflection, she encountered a wide range of emotions including denial, confusion, anger, depression, and finally clarity around the after-effects of childhood trauma. In discovering the link of the abuse to the impact it made on her whole life, from choices, behavior, thinking, and feelings, she finds the inner courage and voice to confront her most terrifying demons.
I found this book to be incredibly insightful into the first hand experience of someone who has suffered from childhood abuse. I applaud Ms. McCabe's amazing frankness and openness regarding her most personal experiences and thoughts. I consider this engaging yet educational book to be a resource to anyone wanting to learn more about abuse and would therefore wholeheartedly recommend it. Thank you, Ms. McCabe, for sharing your incredible story with the wider world; your story serves as an inspiration and will not be forgotten.
Book Review: LauraWilliamsMusings.com (Laura Williams, LauraWilliamsMusings.com, April 18, 2008)
What If I Tell? is a woman's memoir written to help others prevent and treat child abuse. Going into this book, I had an inkling of what to expect from the summary I was sent prior to receiving the book as well as the title with the picture of the little girl gave me the sense of what it was about. I knew it was going to have something to do with child molestation... sexual abuse. What I didn't expect was for it to help me understand what I have been going through for the last 32 years almost 33 years..
You see, I am a victim of child abuse (physical, mental and yes sexual). I was molested by three close family members from the age of about 7 to 9. I can remember being scared, feeling dirty, etc. I struggle with nightmares. My sister used to tell me I kicked a lot in my sleep when I would stay over at her apartment. Now I know why... I was kicking in my sleep trying to get away. I slept with my head under the cover with just a small section for my nose to stick out so I could breathe... all in an effort to hide myself.
This is so very hard to type right now. I am on the verge of tears and I have never revealed this much about myself to anyone outside of my family. I hinted at some of this in a previous book review I wrote but I've never shared details as above, just in general. My sister knows and it's not talked about. I told her of an incident that happened when I was 12 while talking with her on the phone a few years ago and she thumped on the floor as things came rushing back to her... something similar had happened to her by the same family member. I had talked with my mother when I was 12 about and she blew me off like I was lying. I believe she knew more than she let on or cared to know. I try to keep my eyes on my children at all times when we are around these family members.
I never had thought about how things such as this really effected my life. After reading this book, I can understand now my mood swings, etc. Like the author I couldn't sleep with the light off for a long time, it still bothers me at times. I want to thank Gina McCabe for poignantly writing this book about her life as it has helped me more than she may never know. I'm going to sit down with my husband and talk with him about this as well. He knows but I don't think he fully understands the impact this has had on my life. Mrs. McCabe went as far as writing a chapter in her book that is for spouses, etc. of women survivors of childhood sexual abuse. I'm going to give the book to my husband to read.
It's only by the grace of God that I am where I am now though as I've been where the author has been with thoughts she had of wanting to die (not so much suicidal as in just wanting it all to end... the nightmares, etc.). I can only forgive those that hurt me and go on but I can't change what happened. I know people say to forgive and forget but it's something I live with daily and forgetting is hard to do. I can only ask God for His help. I may never be able to forget, but I can't let it drag me down.
I applaud her for sharing her story and I hope that it helps others. I give this book 5 stars!